spoke to justin abt it..and realised he's right.i've been right too, but i've also blatantly refused to accept it.she has always been there, and she always responded to my hints in the most unpredictable way.but is it what i really want? i don't know...she may be a flirt, but i'll be a turtle hiding in my old 100-yr old shell if i choose to believe there's a girl out there who isn't..
tonight more or less reconfirmed my desire to get for myself a laptop.man..my dad is dense.how often does he see me using the com?! probably quite often, since he only comes home at night and late at night is probably the only time i could squeeze out an hour or so on the com..but what he fails to see is that useless fucker i have as a dickhead bro uses the com the moment he wakes up before school, straight after school, after dinner, during lunch, and probably when he shits if he's given a laptop.he downloads the assorted crap into the com, and when the older com crashes its my fault.hell yeah..my fault when the only program i can lay claim on is the CM i installed, which incidentally is played by my other bro.screw...if u want me to prove to you all these while i'm not the one who screwed up the coms, i'll buy a notebook and show you how that notebook can outlast all the PCs you'll ever buy, dad!
anw speakin abt notebooks, fujitsu's lifebook looks astronomically interesting.especially the personal line of notebooks (i'm lookin at the Lifebook P5020 if i'm rich, the P1120 if i'm desperate) definitely suits me. i'm not lookin for a high powered tool like what most ppl want, i'm just looking for a personal computer which i can use for pleasure, entertainment and the likes.hell..the P7010 could probaly thrash any other Desktops arnd! i'm gettin carried away here...but you can tell how much i want this, can't you?
why do i have to feel so terrible?even right now my head's spinning and i can barely keep my eyes open.how am i, then, going to do maths?!this definitely isn't good..but is this the sign that i've finally reached the limit?i've reached the foot of my descend? hell...others are reaching their peak where as i'm coming down to the foot (or worst...nvr embarked on any trip away frm the foot)
had a pretty weird dream last night..some how vin, jy and i were at this very very weird train-station lookalike place..and jo appeared in that dream...again.ever since prelims, every single dream i had has her face or even her back view in it.and that is the catylst for a successful nightmare.i don't want her in my dreams.period.but y am i seeing so much of her in places where she's not supposed to be? it can't be i still have feelings for her? as much as i admit i do, i cannot be living in a heartache and depression that stretched all the way from early may, can i ?!
learnt alot from vin in this past 2 days den i had in the past year and a half.it makes me wonder, am i so hard to befriend? am i so hard to trust? have i ever let any1 of you guys down? but its a good thing, cos for the 1st time i see a guy who happens to be just like any1 of us..and i was glad he actually told me abt what happened and hoped whatever i said has some effect.