alrite peepz..for those seriously bored and those seriously kay-po, here's a long entry (n my last b4 i enter the army) so...enjoy whatever u like abt my writing! oh by the way, this entry's meant to get the skeletons out of my closets (quite a few la actually) n clear away excess baggage b4 i embark on a new stage of my life, n enter a new chapter of self-discovery n growth as an individual..so forgive me for whatever i write in here, yea? if you wanna read sth interesting, pls read on with a very very VERY open heart, k? i dun realli adore the notion of pacifying ppl when i can't really cheat myself..
have been goin back to school (nj...not chs or pcps la duh) for the past 2 days straight, and for the same purpose : softball. not to see any1 in particular, but to see the team.the idea of teamwork somehow appeals to me ALOT lately, prob cos i'll be needing every bit of teamwork in tekong? in any case, decided to go down n prob spend time with my teammates (yea...i still think of you guys as team mates!haha). the carnival wasn't all the interesting, but meeting ppl was definitely exhilirating. haven't seen alot of ppl in a long while, n somethings never change.haha.met the guys for lunch, n we kinda started blabbing on about army life n stuff.guess its this point in life when every guy starts to get a little paranoid? haha...(dun worry la yaozong!haha)
played softball most of the time in school yesterday..someone gotta field rite?haha.realised i missed softball quite abit.to think that i actually joined jus for the cca points! yeah...incase u didn't know, i joined softball originally ONLY for the points, with no desire to win whatsoever.and me being a very honest dude, i'll admit now that i stayed in softball becoz of the guys (not all la ofcos..) n very obviously, jo. the only time i actually enjoyed the sport is during the preparation for the season.SRC totally opened my mind to the realm of competitive sports, n that's when i decided to take on the challenge.u can say all you like abt my skills, but apart frm my batting (i have no idea why i sometimes stone on the plate..) i gotta say my fielding rocks sia! haha...n that's prob the reason y coach decided to keep me in the team (he wants said my batting needs help, but my fielding is good..so that's y i'm still in the team). in anycase, the season wasn't a real thriller, especially the way we started losing games.hell...i'll admit that i played rather badly in some matches, but the reason we really lost is because of our pitchers (dun take it personally, prash n andrew.haha). they lacked the time to train, n obviously they lack the quality as a result.point for the juniors to take note of, yea?
back to cca carnival.haha.kinda had fun la honestly..but sometimes i hope i could muster more courage.regardless of what you guys think, i'm actually quite a coward...cos in a way i dun dare to take risk.i'll make a gamble or place a stake, only when i know that i have a good chance of winning.n this applies to matters of the heart too.saw jo that afternoon...n for the first time i actually tot she was...cute.haha.u may ask me what i see in her n i'll tell u her personality, but yesterday was the first time i felt otherwise.hmmm...useless anyway.i can't make the sun set in the east and men all over give birth now can i?that's basically the only bright spark in the entire cca carnival. oh...saw yinghao too..haha.he's as lame as ever..but sometimes i regret not actually treating him more seriously..haha.
dinner at thai express was fun.for the first time, we could actually speak happily abt our lives, every aspect of it!haha..most of us la atleast.weili finally opened up, which was kinda nice since i've always been the one opening myself up to the whole world.guess i'll just lament my bad luck.he has such a wonderful girl, but yet...sigh.i have always showered her with as much attention as i can muster, as much love as my heart can give, as much as my soul as i can squeeze out, but yet things never worked out..what the hell...
went to do weights in the morning today..with dear old vincent, ofcos!haha...didn't do much la honestly.i over-strained my left shoulder again...darn! my last training session b4 ns i guess! went to westmall n shopped with junyuan.standing beside him actually made me feel like...back in npcc.no, not as a CI, but rather as the training department heads. u guys won't understand, but he will.kinda miss that time sia, when we took turns covering each other's backs (mostly he cover me la..haha.thanks!) n how we actually ended up getting the promotion to SI n on to CI.will always remember that period of time sia..anw shopping for NS stuff sux.i didn't know underwear cost so much! hell...thank goodness for the aunty at the army shop.she practically removed stuff frm my basket n got me everything that most customers will need for army.hahaha.its like...she came up with a package called "recruits' must-have combo pack".how amazing..
went back to nj (yea...again.i told u!) for softball (told u too!) again.since they r having training, tot i'll join in n stuff.elsa's still as lovely as ever.she's always full of smiles when i see her, n she's always there to say hi to me.haha.makes u feel happy, u know, to hav that knowledge that someone actually is delighted u showed up.kinda felt sad returning to nj.its like...the school's totally alien to me already.though i've studied there for 2 years, made a fool of myself for 2 years, but no one there will even remember i exist (except the teachers) n it was very evident yesterday when i was walking arnd. i don't know alot of ppl in nj, i admit.i've nvr been very outspoken n popular in nj, i admit.i've nvr been keen on attracting attention, i admit.but this still suck...to imagine juniors actually recognizing me when i go back to chinese high! every cadet in every uniformed group knows me, n ppl in other ccas recognize me.in nj, it feels like i've checked into a motel n just left.sux..but the year1s look fun though.they look happy n full of enthusiasm..haha.wait til their honeymoon ends n start the mugging!
training wasn't all the exciting.had pretty nothin much to do except throw around (i'm seriously surprised i could still throw frm centre-field to the catcher.haha.its a throw on target n of good height!) n lame arnd with the guys.miss the junior guys sia.haha.n to think they actually still treat me well n prob w a bit of respect..cool! its a huge change frm the fear n hatred back in npcc!haha..i was so bored, coach had to give me this huge job: to train 2 new comers. the girl, melissa, is frm nanyang (yea...nanyang and chinese high eh?haha) n hell...for once i tot vincent's tarot cards are really that accurate! i actually liked her at 1st sight (not like her as in...boy girl kinda like.its her personality...hahaha).she was a very eager learner (cos when i first taught her i gave her a very..."please don't waste my time if u ain't interested n scram the f*** off cos i don't tink i'll see u in the team at all" look.haha.to my surprise, she actually replied "y you sound like you want to chase us off?"hahaha...man..that rox.she's a really fast learner, n by the end of that half n hour session she could more or less throw straight! ofcos...same for her frnd la (that RV dude) but i'm more interested in girls, rite?haha.n to think there's someone so desperate for a cca...she actually asked "can i confirm now? cos i have to confirm my cca by tmr and i wanna join softball" when i asked her "you confirm wanna join the team?".hahaha...she's so funny n likeable! (oh no...sigh)
guess i won't get the chance to...get to know her better sia.haha.jus my luck!but seriously...dun tink now's the right time to think abt girls n stuff...after all i've been thru this year n stuff.all the pre-mature excitement n hardwork...jus for it to go down the blardy bukit timah canal.n to think i actually tot i could find a way to make things work out again...whatever the use! not that i'm not interested, but like i said, i'm a guy who won't take risks that are too big.n this risk has no signs of being smaller...so y put myself thru so much torment again for nothin, eh?
oh well...long enuf rite?hahaha...read till ur eyes pop out!