no point gettin all excited over that girl in my prev entry..cos somethings are not meant to be i guess. the more i hang out with her, the more i feel that i'm cheating myself. the more i talk to her, the more i feel like i'm trying too hard. the more i go out with her, the further i feel from her. in conclusion, i'm not really lookin for a new start here with this girl, i'm lookin back at my time with j instead.
i mite sound weird or whatever not if i tell you i still miss j...alot.rite? all this time i've hanged arnd girls, but none of them will ever match up to my experience with her...and sadly, this girl feels the same. i've been tryin too hard to like her i guess, constantly initiating conversation n tryin to entertain each other, but all these while i've been secretly hoping that she's actually j. why?
i'm not sayin this girl isn't as lovely and sweet as i've said she is in the previous entry. infact she's a very nice girl and a definite squeeze for any guy, particularly atheletic guys who love to run n stuff. she has a nice figure n is very intelligent (what else can u ask for frm a law student?), and above all she's committed to anything that she puts her mind to do.
budden...am i liking her because i'm hoping she'll be like j? do i like her more as a friend instead? do i like her because i've been single for so long n could not resist the temptation? am i liking her because she likes me, even when she doesn't know for sure if she likes me more as a friend?
when we spoke last night, she mentioned 3 reasons for her not sayin "yes" yet..which are her training requirement n schedule, whether i really like her enough to take this beyond just friends, and whether i'm still living in the shadow of j. i'm willing to accept her needs to train, but i don't wanna end up being a toy for her : to entertain her when she needs company, but take the back seat when she embarks on the bigger part of her life - training. i'm ready to say i've put j behind me, and i fully accept that i'll never get back together with her. our lives have met, and diverged beyond the point of interception, so much so the likelihood of meeting will be as possible as parallel lines crossing each other. but whether i'll treat the current girl like how i treated j, and expect from her what i expected out of j, is hard to say for i still miss the fun times i had with j. i've never been ready to start any relationship, but i must admit its sometimes stressful to be with her, especially when i've to start conversations more often den not. but when we do enjoy each other's company, which to me is very important. if she's ready, i'm more then ready to take this further.
but...should i?