some things are just not meant to be
felt if coming all alongbut never dreamt it would be so strong
told you about my sorrow, told you about my pain
asked you to think about it hard, and not to keep my hopes up in vain.
yet after all the thinking's done, you had to stab me in the heart
stab me where it still hurt, and stab me really hard..
you said its for the best, but look at what you've created..what a mess!
though the blow lessens as time flies,and my soul hardens as the weeks go by
but one thing will never change,
its how i'll remember the way you ran away..

sounds familiar? yeah..i wrote this half a year ago. funny how things turn out though.
been hanging out with this girl for a couple of weeks now...and with each weekend my feelings for her grow stronger. i admit, i liked her atfirst because she reminded me of j, and i admit that i used to like her because i was lonely and didn't mind a girl knocking at my door. that much i admit..but now, things changed. for some reason, this feels like....yc n i.
i felt for yc..mainly cos i tot my feelings for her were reciprocal and we could actually start something. all the mixed signals she sent were wonderful at times, and very painful on other occasions. her very casual dealing with other guys never fails to make me feel as though...i'm just another guy. and that feeling sucks..especially after giving my heart to her whims and fancy. with her...i felt so much like a lovesick puppy..always there to wait for my chance to hang out with her, and always there hoping tat she'll take a second look. but whenever she's out with others, i'll be there with my wrenched heart hoping she'll come back..and like an obedient puppy i follow her around, and submit myself to her actions.that's how much i liked her.and she had this habit of being nice to every other guy..which hurts alot.all the letters i've written to her she replies..but she writes to others too.her guy friends line up to call her, and she once said i had to "book" a slot with her early if i wanted to go out with her during the weekends.that comin from a girl who claimed she "loves" me and she CARES for me, from a girl who holds my hands n rests her head on my shoulders when we go out, a girl whom i put my hands on her shoulder, a girl whom i call at night and write letters to.she said she had feelings for me, but she also had feelings for other guys at the same time..so what screwed up toy am i to her?when i dont' talk to her, she claims i'm ignoring her and gets angry, and whenever she needs a shoulder to lean on, a person to talk to, i'm always there for her.but when i need her....eventually when i made myself realise that things will never turn out the way i was led to think it would..i became cold towards her.not so much because i hate her for toying with me, but more to defend my fragile heart from any more pain..n look at where we are now.
this girl reminds me of both yc n j. why she reminds me of j, you know already. why she reminds me yc...because of how much i feel for her.with this girl..i feel like the same puppy..perhaps now a puppy with teeth.if i gave you the heck care attitude sometimes, its not because i don't care for you and don't feel for you. i just...don't wanna be drawn so deeply in again just to be cut up and slashed day after day like i was before..but nevertheless i'm still that puppy.like her, you think alot..n like her you are very skeptical..and like her i care alot for you. but...you've already cut me up once..will you end up being like her?i dont' want things to end up the way it did for her..that's for sure. but like for her case...the balls not in my court anymore.
oh well...